This is Owen, age 3 and a half, my middle child.
He looks adorable, right? Well. He's not completely normal.
When asked what his hobbies are, he replies, "Knife-ez, shooteen duns, swoords, an' wighturs." (That's lighters, friends. Lighters.) As his mother I would add: climbing on inappropriate objects, jumping from unsafe heights, and being destructive. Librarians cringe when he walks (or gallops) into the library. I receive unsolicited advice from strangers about him on a daily basis. Maybe some of you are thinking, "He sounds like a fairly normal boy to me-maybe a little hyper." Read on, friends.
My first mistake in this incident I would like to document is that I took all 3 of my offspring to the grocery store. Not that my choice completely relates to the incident, but a mistake nevertheless.
Secondly, I sent Owen into the public restroom without parental supervision while I checked out.
I should also note that he entered the restroom chewing a delicious stick of strawberry gum I had given him in the van on our way to the store as a bribe.
As I was loading the groceries into my cart, he excitedly walked up to me and said, "Look mom! I dot a new piece-a dum!" "Uh....what?!!", I asked in horror, since there is basically no acceptable way of acquiring a piece of gum in a restroom. "From da TOI-WET!", he replied, marveling at his good fortune. FROM. THE TOILET. AT WINCO (while a wonderfully cheap place to shop, it is not exactly known for customer cleanliness).
He doesn't yet seem to be coming down with a fever, but death is certainly imminent. Please pray for him. And for me. And for the future of our society with him in it.
Tomorrow: Idea #1 for Mother's Day dessert.